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[2]Yet，thedifficultyofthetaskmustnotbeareasontoabstainfrtoknowthedifficultiesaswellasthesforitsat.ToavoidunneplisIhavetriedtodealwiththeprobleminalanguagewhi-teicalasfarasthisispossible.ForthesamereasonIhavealsokepttoamiotheliteratureonlove.
[3]ForanotherproblemIdidnotfindapletelysatisfactorysolution;that，namely，ofavoidiionofideasexpressedinpreviousbooksofmihereaderfamiliar，especially，efromFreedom，ManforHimself，andTheSay，willfindinthisbookmanyideasexpressedinthepreviousworks.However，TheArtofLovingisbynomeansmaiiosmanyideasbeyondthepreviouslyexpressedones，aurallyevenolderoimesgaiivesbythefactthattheyareallteredarouhatoftheartofloving.
[4]“Hewhoknowsnothihing.Hewhoothiandsnothing.Hewhouandsnothingisworthless.Buthewhouandsalsoloves，notices，sees...Themoreknowledgeisihierthelove...Anyonewhoimagiallfruitsripeimeasthestrawberriesknowsnothingaboutgrapes.”
—Paracelsus1
Part1IsLoveanArt?
[5]Islovearequiresknowledgea.Orisloveapleasaion，whichtoexperieterofethingone“fallsinto”
ifoneislucky?Thislittlebookisbasedontheformerpremise，whileuhemajorityofpeopletodaybelieveier.
[6]Notthatpeoplethinkthatloveisnotimportaarvedforit;theywatdlessnumbersoffilmsabouthappyandunhappylovestories;theylistentohurashysongsaboutlove—yethardlyahatthereisanythiobelearlove.
[7]Thispeculiarattitudeisbasedonseveralpremiseswhicheithersinglyorbioupholdit.Mostpeopleseetheproblemofloveprimarilyasthatofbeiherthanthatofloving，ofone’scapacitytolove.Heheproblemtothemishowtobeloved，howtobelovable.Inpursuitofthisaimtheyfolloaths.One，whichisespeciallyusedbymen，istobesuccessful，tobeaspowerfulandrichasthesiios.Another，usedespeciallybywomen，istomakeoractive，bygone’sbody，dress，etc.Otherwaysofmakiractive，usedbothbymeodeveloppleasaerestiion，tobehelpful，modest，andinoffensive.Maomakeoneselflovablearethesameasthoseusedtomakeoneselfsuccessful，“towinfriendsandinfluencepeople”
.Asamatteroffact，eopleinourculturemeanbybeinglovableisessentiallyamixturebetweenbeingpopularandhavingsexappeal.
[8]Aseisebehiudethatthereisnothingtobelearloveistheassumptionthattheproblemofloveistheproblemofaheproblemofafaculty3.Peoplethinkthattoloveissimple，butthattofiobjecttolove—ortobelovedby—isdifficult.Thisattitudehasseveralreasohedevelopmey.Ohegreatgewhichothetwehrespecttothechoiceofa“loveobject”
.
[9]Ie，asinmanytraditionalcultures，lovewasmostlynotaspontaneouspersonalexperiehee.Orary，marriagewastractedby—eitherbytherespectivefamilies，orbyamarriagebroker4，orwithoutthehelpofsutermediaries5;itwasthebasisofsosiderations，andloveosedtodevelopohemarriagehadbeehelastfewgeheanticlovehasbeostuhewesternworld.IedStates，whilesiderationsofaalirelyabsent，toavastextentpeopleareinsearahepersonalexperienceoflovewhishouldleadte.Thisoffreedomihavegreatlyeheimportaasagaiaion.
[10]Closelyrelatedtothisfaotherfeaturecharacteristiporaryculture.Ourwholecultureisbasedoef，ontheideaofamutuallyfavorableexan’shappinesssistsihrilloflookingattheshopwindows，andinbuyingallthatheaffordtobuy，eitherforis.He（orshe）looksatpeopleinasimilarway.Forthemananattractivegirl—andforthewomananattra—aretheprizestheyareafter.“Attractive”
usuallymeansanicepackage6ofqualitiesularandsoughtafteroymarket.ecificallymakesapersonattractivedependsonthefashioime，physicallyaswellasmentally.Duriies，adrinkingandsmhandsexy，wasattractive;todaythefashiondemaidess.Attheeeenthandthebeginningofthistury，amanhadtobeaggressiveandambitious;todayhehastobesodtoleraobeanattractive“package”
.
[11]Atahesenseoffallinginlovedevelopsusuallyonlywithregardtosuoditiesasarewithinreae’sownpossibilitiesfe.Iamaishouldbedesirablefromthestandpointofitssocialvalue，aimeshouldwantme，gmyovertasaies.Twopersonsthusfalliheyfeeltheyhavefouavailableo，gthelimitationsoftheirownexgevalues.Often，asinbuyihehiddeieswhibedevelopedplayasiderableroleinthisbargain.Inawhichthemarketiionprevails，andinwhichmaterialsuccessistheoutstandihereislittlereasontobesurprisedthathumaionsfolloatternofexgewhistheodityandthelabormarket.
[12]Thethirderrtotheassumptiohingtobelearloveliesinthebetweeialexperienceof“falling”
ihepermaeofbeinginlove，oraswemightbettersay，of“standing”
iwopeoplewhohavebeenstrangers，asallofusare，suddehewallbetweenthembreakdown，andfeelclose，feelohismomentofonenessisoexhilaratiingexperienlife.Itisallthemorewonderfulandmiraculousforpersonswhohavebeenshutoff，isolated，withoutlove.Thismiracleofsuddenintimacyisoftenfacilitatedifitisbih，orinitiatedby，sexualattradatioypeofloveisbyitsveryiwopersonsbeewellated，theirintimaoreasmiraculouscharatiltheirantagonism，theirdisappoiheirmutualboredomkillwhateverisleftofthei.Yetiheydonotknowallthis:infact，theytaketheiyoftheinfatuation7forproofoftheiyoftheirlove，whileitmayohedegreeoftheirpreeliness.
[13]Thisattitude—thatnothihantolove—hasuedtobetheprevaleloveiheeviderary.Thereishardlyanyactivity，aerprise，whichisstartedwithsudoushopesaio，whichfailssularly，aslove.Ifthiswerethecasewithay，peoplewouldbeeagertoknowthereasonsforthefailures，andtolearnhowonecoulddobetter—ortheywouldgiveuptheactivity.Sierisimpossibleinthecaseoflove，thereseemstobeoewaytooverethefailureoflove—toexamihereasonsforthisfailure，andtoproceedtostudythemeaningoflove.
[14]Thefirststeptotakeistobeeawarethatloveisanart，justaslivingisanart;ifwewaolovewemustprothesameroceedifwewanttolear，saymusig，try，ortheartofmedigineering.
[15]Whataretheepsinlearninganyart?
[16]Theprocessanartbedividedintotwoparts:oeryofthetheory;theother，themasteryofthepractice.IfIwaheartofmedie，Imustfirstksaboutthehumanbody，andaboutvariousdiseases.Whehistheoretiowledge，Iambynomeaheartofmedie.Ishallbeasterinthisartreatdealofpratileventuallytheresultsofmytheoretiowledgeasofmypracticearebleoouition，theesseeryofanyart.But，asidefrthetheoryandpractice，thereisathirdfaeingamasterinanyart—themasteryoftheartmustbeamatterofultimate;theremustbeheworldmoreimportantthahisholdstrueformusiedie，fortry—andforlove.And，maybe，hereliestheahequestionofwhypeopleinourculturetrysorarelytolearnthisart，iheirobviousfailures:ihedeep-seatedgforlove，almelseissideredtobemoreimportantthanlove:success，prestige，money，power—almostallyisusedforthelearningofhowtoachievetheseaims，andalmostheartofloving.
[17]Coulditbethatohingsaresideredworthyofbeihwhiearnme，andthatlove，whily”
profitsthesoul，butisprofitlessinthemodernsense，isaluxurywehavenhttospendmuergyohismaybe，thefollowingdiswilltreattheartoflovingihefdivisions:firstIshalldiscussthetheoryoflove—andthiswillprisethegreaterpartofthebook;andsedlyIshalldiscussthepracticeoflove—littleasbesaidaboutprathis，asinanyotherfield.
Notes
1.Paracelsus:（1493-1541）SwissGermanRenaissancephysi，botanist，astreneraloccultist，fouhediseoftoxicology.Heisalsoknowionaryforinsistinguponusiionsofherthanlookingtoas.Modernpsychologyofteshimfthefirsttosomediseasesarerootedinpsychologiess.
2.sin:Ifapersonhassin，thereissomefreedomforhimorhertochoosewhattodoordecidehowtodoiomakeapermissibledifferenarginallowspeoplesomemeasureoffreedomtoprovewithinlimits.
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